There is a difference between feeling that one’s life is not worth living and doing something tragic about it.
The difference is worth noting because people are often harshly judged for merely voicing their pain in times of trouble. If it’s not a religious scolding then it’s a shaming of the highest order-an attack upon the “selfishness”. More so if the reasons are more emotional than medical.
Not being privy to statistics, I will gather a guess that this is one reason why many suicide plans are carried out so discreetly without even the closest of friends having clues.
Life happens and happens hard. It’s time we stopped acting like pie eyed children and pretending it isn’t supposed to. With traditional wounds inflicted like infidelity, to thousands of other possible scenarios, it is and always has been.
Living with a wife so cold and thoughtless that she frequently calls her husband by her ex lover’s name for years after marriage. Even after lovemaking. That’s not exactly a ticklish existence.
A woman finally validated by months of loving promises sworn by an online love, words often prayed for from a lifetime of abuse.
Imagine her finding silence and curt responses after ending up as another trophy tossed into a sex addict’s grimy toybox. The superhuman who could easily stand the days during that, I’d love to meet and learn from the steely grip of that handshake, I’ll tell you.
Or a worker who’s lost his income and eventually his family’s home because of the sexual affair. The one where his boss called him a soulmate one week and called him “fired” the next.
Such ugly and cruel ways that we help make each other’s lives feel so very worthless and so meaningless. How can we have the heart to pile additional anguish upon the ears of those who simply want you to stop speaking so they can go end it once and for all?
To shame, scold or sneer at someone who is obviously dealing with one of the largest loads of despair in his or her life in such a way is like dumping a pail of salt straight onto a gaping wound..in the middle of his or her heart.
If you love them, when they come to you, you better have your arms as wide open as they will go. Not crossed.
You can have all of your religious debates and everlasting judgement come rain down at another time. Not when they are on their knees barely able to stand.
Let them dislodge those feelings out of their mouths and through their tears. Hug tight as those feelings drain away, further away from the desperate head and heart which spawned them.
If you hadn’t truly meant it when you told them you loved them in the first place, you have a responsibility that you didn’t deserve in the first place. If only to make sure the ones who truly love him don’t each suffer the lifelong pain of a loss that you damned well probably know you donated to on the regular.
photo by Arto