Can’t Wait

Elder man with depression

I can not wait.
( I will chase some bitter blues away by sharing the most rude item on my “bucket list” that my ADHD-Aspergian-whatever-the-heck brain can muster.)

I can not wait until the vain overseers of our plantation end up in their various nursing homes, unable to care for themselves in their old age. I don’t wish to see it.
Believing in what will come to pass, for at least a few, is satisfying enough. I’ll be more than generous enough to sweep a spot clean, on the floor of the box car, for them to take a seat next to me.

When the tight facelift finally collapses into surrender.
That costly “nip and tuckery” combined with swell designer suits and high heels. The one meant to fool us into “seeing” a younger face. Not that many can see it without chuckling, because the strained chicken skin of the neck underneath is practically clucking the truth.
When the echoes of their heels no longer sound importantly down the great halls where younger and more vital lawmakers and liars will prowl.
When there aren’t any more hearty ” hee haws” and cackles during expensive dinners. Nor compliments on “healthy tans” from vacation spots; eye winking lies told because someone’s alcoholism is now shamefully branded upon his red and mottled face; reminding the world of how yet another shameless drunk is considered better than any of us to have control over how our lives are to be “lived”.

When their soiled bedsheets are rudely yanked from under their frail or grossly obese bodies.
When they are left helpless, feeling more like a thing than the important official they were once considered.
When they are forced to accept the humiliation of living as a “nothing”.

But most of all, most importantly… the looks on their faces when their caregivers disappoint them in the fast vanishing and once guaranteed human blessings of empathy, tenderness and kindness.
When they struggle to utter words, while their heads involuntarily nod with palsy, as if answering unheard questions every second of each minute .
When they try pleading with a rough attendant to be more gentle and receive a snicker or angrily muttered command to “shut up” as response.
When they look wildly around for someone..(anyone!) report how deeply humiliated they were upon being the butt of a cruel joke between two caregivers -slick enough to stay well out of the reach of any cameras or recording devices. A cruel joke about their explosive lack of continence and worse, discussed in front of him or her while helpless on that bed. As if the notion of feelings were not much more than rumors.
And they never find any one to utter their grievances to and have anything come of it..

Despite a lifetime of spoiled expectations on how others should treat them, I can’t wait until the day they experience exposure to the societal nightmares that too many of them helped usher into this darkening and maddening world. At the very least, ignored.
Where chemical lobotomies have stripped nearly every mind, to highly varied degrees, clean of the “frivolous” emotions that long dead masters spent decades maneuvering into nonexistence. With incredible “mad scientist” schemes for efficiency and “purity” -sprung from their own ASD  riddled narcissism .
They may ignore the massive outcries of bewilderment, fear and pain flooding through inconceivable numbers of families, work places and every interpersonal relationship imaginable…and the screaming groans from collapsing bridges of civility…
And they may sneer and wag fingers with the harshest insults over people’s intelligence in the light of frightened resistance and growing panic of what’s becoming of us…
The horrid and sad truth is that there remain things a good number of them won’t easily miss sharing with Us .

Like not being heard for what their words say, but instead being ignored, treated maliciously or with great suspicion for assumptions created through broken neurological pathways.
Where the chance of being understood dies. Never mind being loved.
Where even best intentions and deeds are intermixed with the bad and imaginary.
Where there will be no choice but to remain silent-
For we , those of us missing (deactivated) the part of the brain which helped humans (over millions of years) register that other individual humans carry different likes or opinions….. will consider those who engage in such “clinically selfish” behaviors as threats to what they will come to know as a “perfectly ordered world”.
Lord knows, whether we lift our poor heads to acknowledge it or not, it is already well under way.

A pure and living Hell on Earth; where all will ache for compassion, warmth and respect without begging for it…but choose to ignore, abuse and mock others who have the “audacity” to expect receiving even the smallest same measure and matter in return.
A pure and living Hell on Earth where our self glorifying  “lords and ladies”
find themselves  weeping on cold nights..painfully aware of and suffering from the plight they dared let happen to us so carelessly. Too old to be of use, with no where  to run.
And so full of regret.. that they spend most of their days angrily confused as to why they had to be born in the first place.. if all Fate had waiting for them was to “live” with no more purpose than a toy or tool, a pet or a pig.
Like too many of us, worldwide, are feeling now…and are doomed to suffer soon.

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