Watching My Dog Die Yesterday


The hollowed out angels of most Miserable Fate would find great delight in knowing that our family watched my dog suffer and die yesterday.

It was a day of violent convulsions; with complete paralyses, except for the muffled whines of pain which couldn’t escape her clamped shut mouth in the earliest hours.

And the wild look of confusion as her eyes searched around for us in the earlier hours, without being able to turn her neck. She did manage to turn her head slightly; in the end when my son said her name and she was heard to take a couple of long sniffs of the air in his lap where her head lay before dying.

I had written a much longer post yesterday. I won’t be posting it, after all.

I will simply place an article that explains radiation poisoning and the signs, be they from direct hits or lengthy exposures. Something I can’t confirm nor check, in her case.

The vet refused to check in that direction. He joked that he wouldn’t know it if “it jumped up and flew in his face.” And although he kept making a “fuss” over 3/4 of the unique symptoms as a mystery to him, odd to him..strange..and so on..I was casually dismissed upon even the proposal that he retain the information on radiation poisoning in case he had another client in the future.

It’s that type of dismissal a person like myself is used to from her childhood onward and throughout. Being “slow” and all.

Sometimes it’s on the tail end of folks who take purposeful jabs at your intelligence, because you often miss the “most simple things”. Sometimes it’s a trigger for the open jokes to roll, lies to flow cheap kicks and amusement can be had over and again…

There is a non self centered point, no worries. I took this off- track to explain that I’ve learned to brush off blow-offs and dismissals..normally.

But when faced with a loved one dying, contorting, frightened, in pain…all pride and excuses fly out of the door..when you’re doing anything and saying anything to literally beg (which, sorry to say, I did do) another human being to listen to you.

He couldn’t have been any less helpful if he had been cruelly obligated to be.

Except for the emergency vet clinic he told us about..which was closing within less than twenty minutes at the time he mentioned them.

Referring to these hypothetical and miserable angels, it was a finishing obstacle that would have had them nod their ugly and thick heads in smug satisfaction for how perfect it was in its complete success.


An article on radiation for survival in this wicked land w/ its ugly tiny minions.

Radiation Sickness

There’s no need to post links stressing the open air evidences of our being killed off and sickened by radiation without a single anything nor anyone stopping it.

Articles have been openly published stating so, alongside that wearisome “assurance” of “things being looked into” by “regulatory” this-s and “safety” that-s for well over twenty years now. I’ve obviously posted enough and it’s obviously shrugs all around..

As sarcastically stated on a few occasions, I’m a bit slow about minding my manners. I somehow got it into my foolish nugget that I was allowed to expect help when I and other living beings were in mortal danger.

So. There you go.

See you later Queenie, honey…Rest well.

Day One, 11 years ago


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