Mother’s Land

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I was reminded of two lovely things this morning.

The first being a charming publication I was privileged enough to be accepted into for the Fall-Winter edition in 1998-1999. It was titled “The Neovictorian/Cochlea”

The second one being the inspiration behind the poem which was accepted for inclusion at that time. I had heard an old acquaintance speak so lovingly of his Irish born mother that it moved me in many ways.

Having no true and loving mother of my own, I’d always chose to covet his story as a personal comfort for myself throughout the years.

This is the poem…( circa 1998- pre “Ramsy”)

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photo illustration from the Fall-Winter 1998-99 cover of “The Neovictorian/Cochlea”


humble Spring cleaning

Close up of a box with old letters

the most humbling thing
as I clean up this Spring
is reading twenty years of letters forgotten
remembering how loved I was no matter how rotten
I recall being
through teary eyes seeing
some words which were written I never replied

the ones who gave up while a couple more died
as each gem shines brighter than each one found before
to discover such wealth
when I thought myself poor


photo by zinkevych


What Was Understood..and What Will Be.

Young Man Huddling on Floor Holding Knees to Chest
It reminds me of when a former neighbor once admitted to hearing my screams from our house across the way.

When she told me, I was an adult, her admission referring to when I was a young girl.

She had heard me, but between my father’s admired reputation and her reluctance to believe it was “that bad”..she never once called the police.

It’s okay. She was a good woman. I accepted her tear-filled apology.. although it’s hard to put into words what sadness went through me to know someone could have helped the years I spent as a child believing that no one ever could.

I’m also reminded of how my hands used to get smacked away, in my desperate efforts to cover my privates during the course of my parents’ very wrong and very humiliating night-time “inspections”.
Once again, a difficult explanation for those who will never know the humiliation of being forced to expose oneself as a young child, on a regular basis by those supposedly in charge of your best interests.
And being slapped for trying to protect yourself.

Finally, after becoming an adult, to have it hit you like a ton of bricks as to what those “inspections” were actually about….well, it’s a free fall straight out of a reality re a world that you thought you knew for yourself.

It’s a long felt betrayal. It leaves a wound one can’t quite wrap one’s mind around regarding the evil that people are capable of matter how young one may be and no matter what was promised from those whom everyone is convinced would never…ever…allow such harm.

These following articles reminded me of these very unfortunate things.
What I already understood as a child about helplessness and being punished while in danger…

and heartbreakingly enough, the understanding others will come to regarding what it was all about…

photo By Jan H. Andersen

The True Culprits are Dead and Buried

At the end of the day….
We could easily come to the simple conclusion that those responsible for certain biological misfortunes are long dead and buried.
In order to mete out the justice these high brow animals deserve, we would have to excavate their horrid little carcasses…invent a reanimation machine ..and beat them to death in a town square. A real town square, not an “online community” town square; the heft of their big heads wouldn’t fit otherwise. Obviously, not possible.

Yes, I know there are current and unaddressed inheritors of their schemes and legacies of hate.

However, I wonder how many (if any) of them realize that they also carry the marks of disability within them as much as they do, manufactured by these long gone Machiavellian pricks.
The “magic tell”? Mercurial poisoning and the symptoms.
Specifically, the following sections I highlighted a while back.


When one considers the distribution of the millions of vaccine doses injected into as many young children as “they” could get their hands on in the 50s, one can create a bridge to the present time.
Our current young are not the first disruptive , out of hand children which caused great concern for their elders.

If you place brackets around the 60s through the late 70s, there’s nowhere in written history where traditionally” insane” behaviors ran as rampant as they did in the adolescent scene.
One small example would be the  nude disrobing in public places. Not just the occasional whoo hoo streaker in town or rebellious princess being as bad , blond and naked as she wanted to be on a horse. No…I’m talking about archival material we have to this day that clearly shows hundreds of thousands of naked, drugged revelers who lost their ever loving mind at the same time. From filthy communes where human beings chose to live like pre historic man to multiple and nonsensical social- emotional expressions which raised many alarms amongst even the most tolerant of adults.

Every human being undergoes biological and psychological shifts in its young development. But the incredible shift between the Greatest and Baby Boom gens defies any notion of “gradual” or “normal”.
To eliminate dragging in tedious discussions of the civil rights, women’s lib and gay movements..
(which, according to our currently fired up youth chanting over the “injustices”, might as well have never happened at all)
..I’ll introduce a hypothetical example of a “bad” generation raising a young generation of children who inexplicably and instantly end up much more “good” than their parents.

Let’s say a group of bad parents, ill tempered, selfish and crude spit out copies of themselves. The laws of epidemiology (and our eyes) tell us that their offspring will be prone to more hateful and negative behaviors than can be excused by nature or stunted by nurture.
The buffering of assumed positive environmental influences would be there, of course, but these children would be expected to still lean towards more “boo” than “yay” when left to  biological druthers.
But when their children end up volunteering for charities, saying prayers over meals, being completely polite to all vulnerable people and with barely a harsh word spoken out loud against anyone…there would be intense studies over how this happened. It wouldn’t jive according to historical record and basic expectations.

Reverse that and we have the immense break between the Baby Boomers and who raised them. A disconnect that begs more explaining than merely political movements, drugs and the arrival and influence of the “boob tube”.

Another small example- the mass reaction to musical groups at the time. The outward hysteria of screaming masses and the near complete abandonment of long practiced self awareness. Automatic behaviors  passed on from one generation of each family to another..if only for the sake of not “looking crazy” and/or simple “self respect”.

There HAD to have been a shared residual bond of two successive generations of war serviced fathers and grandfathers in these youngsters’ families. The outspoken vitriol and disrespect that seemed to mark the general attitude of these ungrateful brats..seems to be just as cold blooded as cold blooded can be.

These weren’t strangers’ ideals that they attacked, these were the loving and hard working men of their own ‘tribes’.

It’s as if millions of youngsters disassociated the facts of their broken homes, anguished alcoholic veteran fathers and varieties of intimate hardships suffered far away from the notion that these things had been done (thought to be done) for them with love and concern for their futures as free people.
Almost as if a massive wave of apathy blanketed the children of a comparatively ‘good’ generation.

Juvenile delinquency shot up. Sex crimes and serial murders shot up. Divorces shot up and out to degrees so rapidly it affected and interrupted the environments of countless children. I dare anyone to run a study and find more folks who claim to not have been affected in bad ways by divorce than otherwise.
Young minds barely remember their best birthday parties when they’re grown, never mind altercations. Children depend on the basic routines and thrive best in environments free from worry and disruption; fallouts from fights being more temporary than divorces which end up generating lifetime changes.
Our Baby Boomers, the original “Spectrum riders”, rushed into breaking up their own families across this world as if the foundations their children stood on didn’t matter. Even though everyone now knows the ugly truth of second marriage divorce rates and the horrors of single parenthood.

That also could be considered an epidemic of apathy- sexual self satisfaction and the pathetic chase of continued adolescence trumping the health and hearts of our youngest treasures.

Our Baby Boomers are in charge.
I’ve caught the president rocking ever so slightly back and forth. That’s been my “autistic” jam since I was a baby. I’ve been listening to three decades of his  egotistical, finger super glued to the trigger comments. The stuff the kids hear now? Oh boy, you should have heard the news interviews back in the day. He had it bad and didn’t give one dry leaf who disagreed with how “perfect” he claimed to be, bad hair or not. And is his original hair.
There’s been an increase of unbelievable cut-downs, sarcasm and devil-may-care insults …from our POLITICIANS , of all people. For centuries, alongside bishops, grandmothers and virgins the dignified and wise “statesman” has maintained a steady and unspoken respect.
As immoral and two faced as most were discovered to be..there were still protocols of etiquette strictly adhered to. Up until the 80s, after Ronald, presidents, senators, etc. kept tidy and managed facades.

Now, it’s as if a self control button has been ripped out of the panel of what generations have come to rely upon as the “grown adult”.

Our youth have been taught to sneer about the “fakery” and “falseness” but it’s all part of what has made our societies bearable to live in. It doesn’t take a genius to look around and see this “keeping it real” ness has resulted in ugliness and discomfort-not beneficence and harmony.

Just because your real life involves a dirty house, papers strewn all over and dishes piled high in the sink.. it doesn’t mean that  it’s right to invite guests over so you can plop into your sofa and cross those stinking and black heeled bare feet in front of your guests’ horrified and disgusted faces.

It’s common sense. It is thinking outside of one’s selfishness and minding other human beings’ comfort.

If you cast aside the ass kissing for ass kissing’s sake (which is a weak and unfortunate thing to do), keeping up appearances is a jeweled key to impressing folks who truly matter; those who hold the serious cash and have enough pride about themselves to not be caught dead associating with the ‘ugly’ and ‘uncouth’.
You don’t have to “love” people, but you do need to love yourself enough to not become your own obstacle for self centered success, that’s for sure.

However, within our society now, there is an unraveling and bucking  affecting us, from eldest to youngest-as if even self consideration is a broken thing. Not each of us, but enough of us to make this ride unnerving enough that discussions are being held on a continual basis.

Everything that is plaguing us without answers…mentally and socially…every condition that has reared its ugly head and has massive conspiracy theory fingers clawing at it’s origin…..
I truly believe better heads than mine could cure within a couple of generations, if we simply directed our attentions to the true and original culprits.

The snide eugenicists of old and “cream of the crop” overlords who were determined to eliminate the stains from the property that their golden spawn would inherit.
The delusional “modern” men of the early 1900s who believed they secured for themselves seats amongst the gods in heaven, not caring/ believing that they ushered in a hell for all of us on earth that would progressively fester over the course of a hundred years…while they lay scott-free and unaccountable deep in the dirt.
One needs to merely look at the nations which ceased mandatory vaccinations. Where we once rode higher than them on many top levels and now hover towards shameful lowers and thirds.

One needs to merely look upon the scientists and engineers who have helped steer the herd into the hands of international authorities with fancy mile long dissertations and laboratory stats that confuse and impress most of us.

They too (by large measure) carry the very same traits of those of us who have been deemed “mentally ill”. Yet they stubbornly insist , while reminding us of their intellectual “superiority”, upon the need for “rounding up” our youngest babies to “correct wrong behaviors” .
After all have been injected, medicated and “corrected”…that same apathy, that same stubbornness and unwillingness to bend to the “will of lower peoples” will still exist within how they rule, abuse and live. ANY argument they present (falsified or genuinely held) for ANY notion of making a “better world for those who remain” will still look and be the most insane stringing together of words ever strung together.

Because it makes no sense. Especially if they are affected and ‘suffering’ the exact same deteriorations going on with the “lesser of the species”-little ole Us.

Looking at those who started all of this and working from there in a serious spirit of reversing this mess? It has to be a better bet than this vortex of hell we’re staring into open mouthed and determined to be sucked in by.

Obviously, there are purposeful social manipulations creeping through and doing their work by media, educational materials and non chemically induced methods. That’s a song that will never stop playing, but at least there exist chances to correct and/or fight against the material creations.

This is an  earliest attempt that legitimate Drs. tried to warn us of in 1910. A ‘scam of false alarms’ regarding what would be named the “polio epidemic” decades later.



(No…you won’t find this article neither. It was scrubbed within hours of my posting it)
Biological damage is permanent.

Biological damage is now known to morph into genetic inheritances.

Biological damage is the cruelest and most evil declaration of “you have no say in how ruined your life will be” that man has ever brought upon this earth…in the name of his ego and wretched lack of self esteem.

That’s what needs our immediate attention by those properly educated and brave enough to try EVERYTHING to stem the horror tide against our babies…and now the obvious deterioration of millions of middle aged men who are sharing similar symptoms and losing their minds at an unbelievable rate.

(Although, many us having been by their side life long, have noticed disturbing parallels in such numbers that the news of this “Alzheimer’s epidemic” is not shocking at all.)

This is not a life for the “good of people” is a nightmare being allowed to play itself out with nothing but a whole can of “we don’t know”s mocking our desperate pleas.

Let’s go back to the introduction of the vaccines and mercurial poisoning.

It has to be better than allowing heads to dictate morality and enforce slavery upon human beings they deeply despise on the best of days.

(Heck, it can even provide a “get out of hot water” card , clean and free….blaming it on the dead and opportunity to claim total innocence. No one would be the wiser, considering how “dull” and “dopey” we the people are regarded as a whole.)

Unless, of course, the kicks are too priceless and destruction of this entire world was the main goal after all.
In that case, it’s shrugs all around isn’t it?

The True and Ignored Constitutional Crisis

I’m glad I heard this verbalized concern over a “constitutional” crisis.
Only because it verifies, from a “horse’s” mouth, that the Constitution is something we’re expected to abide by.
The rest of what was said…can be flushed down the toilet with the rest of the juvenile rot.

I don’t know where the raw nerve came from, prompting this performance in the urgent manner with which it was announced.

I do know, however, for her or any of her narcissitic colleagues to stand by and allow private companies to boldly and blatantly rip our free speech away from Us is a foul and bitter reminder.
One of several where they have demonstrated that the Constitution does not mean a thing; except when the high lords and ladies wish for it to for their convenience, not for our lives.

From the nasty and rude way they shoved the long schemed healthcare plan (also against the Constitution) down our throats while grinning through their teeth and admitting not reading it…….
to judicially raping us from additional RIGHTS in many other orders passed in the style of Monarchy..not through the processes of legal American Law according to our Constitution;the only jobs these people had to do.

Allegedly sealed by  public oaths that were supposed to mean something.
In front of our faces.

There’s no need to engage in lengthy and childish debates over “private companies being free to do as they wish”.

The government can command any private industry to heel on account of millions of people relying upon the services or any other reasons.
When single mothers lose their livelihood because their sites were closed, men get fired (or not hired) for mere opinions on their pages and such….it would be hard to argue the relevance of a global platform serving billions. Especially with all of them acting as One with singular opinions shared and identical threats and enforcements.

For her to actually perform this insulting and dramatic “call to reaction” while using the word “Constitution” is an unforgiveable slight.
For her to do so with such confidence, as if we were so  learning disabled that we wouldn’t know better or that we would take this announcement seriously…it introduces a disturbing picture of her being as mentally unstable as her exaggerated and widened eyeballs often suggest.

Stomach turning as it is watching these politicians, while the media puckers up to fulfill its obligation to glorify and broadcast their noises..
For each representative and senator who stands by and participates in the blatant deceptions, insults and forceful behaviors….for as long as the years run ….there will remain records and evidence of them doing so willingly.

If nothing else, may we remind our children of that fact , for as long as they are still blessed with being able to understand.

Despite the enslavement and various assaults they will have to endure , the least we can leave them with is knowing that they are not insignificant animals who deserve open humiliation and insult from those who insist upon being seen as ” more important”.

Our children may be forced to obey laws, but my god, they do not need to have their noses rubbed into it, being insulted like brainless fools via announcements that serve to do nothing but bring additional aggravation, confusion and false hope.
Most certainly not by an order of humans so self aggrandizing and delusional that even the least educated amongst us regard them as buffoons.

May we make sure to teach our children the nature of these records- such as this despicable video of this woman saying what she says.
They need to understand that these “urgent messages” are an obvious mockery of our once protected Constitution, due to the fact that all of the social online corporations are being allowed to punish and deprive citizens of THE most important Constitutionally protected Bill of Right…which she and the rest of them were OBLIGATED by oath to protect and for which there existed precedent to do so, “private” or “not”.

The blood shed by our fathers and grandfathers guaranteed that our children wouldn’t have to beg or plead for that.

Not to have word games played over it by rich cowards who look away, laugh at us, treat us like dirt and pretend they don’t know what we’re talking about when we try to remind them of that fact.


Low Manners in High Places

rich and poor

Its embarrassing.

Watching public politicians spill their guts about their personal lives and/or families. Again.

I just heard one tell a roomful of people of what a drunk her father was.

I’m sure he’s either dead or at least she has her family’s blessing to air that particular bit of once considered “dirty” laundry. But for the love of life, there’s no reason to engage in this exposing sort of behavior. Not anymore.

Maybe, thirty years ago the bobble heads could have somberly bobbed over it being “a private pain everyone can share, therefore overcome the stigma “ kind of deal because it wasn’t a social norm to admit such things. But not now.

Now, there’s countless numbers of confessional videos of embarrassing addiction stories being shared and ogled over. It’s a miracle to not run into a person saturated with and touched by generic dysfunction.

It tells more about someone then others need to know.

Within seconds, secret judgements form in peoples minds. Especially with formerly dedicated drunks (like myself) and currently employed ones.
It brings visions of belligerent fights, beastly behaviors and soiled bedclothes to the mind’s eye.

It brings snickers or silent confirmations to  others who now tie her washed out and hollow look , under the thick make-up, to an assumed drinking problem of her own.

I’m not saying it’s true. I’m saying it’s an unfortunate assumption of character that can and will be made by a highly critical majority. A majority public sorely lacking in logical and critical thinking skills.

There aren’t standards of dignity nor intelligence expected for politicians anymore, I know this. In order to keep the dance going with the morbidly obese gorilla in the room (of our constitution having been shredded), the least savvy heads we have being elected , the better.

The massive installation of rock bottom standards can hardly be considered a secret as we see it reflected in how our youth conduct themselves and in the living of their lives. If it wasn’t so destructive it would be a laughable exaggeration-it’s so prevalent.

However, as a matter of dignity and maintaining control over how people perceive us overall (as a high profile politician or school teacher) we have to keep a tighter game in place.

To continue executing traditionally expensive and coached body language tips yet topping it off with open invitations into our unmade what the ruling classes used to (and still do) consider a sort of schizophrenic lack of etiquette typical of “low born” folk.

It’s long passed time we started proving that we’re better than this; that we’re not all hopeless “hick homo sapiens” who can’t help themselves out of poor behaviors.
It’s way passed time we stop putting ourselves out there to be mocked behind our backs while the higher ups smile and encourage our children to do the same-proving them right, time after tedious time, on how we “can’t behave well enough to run our own lives”.

It’s one thing I pray this youngest generation is allowed to rediscover when (if) this ship gets turned right side up again.

People can only paint a picture of you with the colors they are given. It serves no one any good at all to voluntarily donate the less flattering colors into the hands of those so painfully unskilled at painting in the first place.

It’s not a fair thing to have happen and nor is it the smartest thing to do when so much is invested in manufacturing “best impressions”.
One may as well ditch the two hundred dollar haircuts and expensive suits for much cheaper pair of torn denims and old hippie sandals if that was the case.

photo By erllre

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